False Alarm!

Apparently I have forgotten what PMS feels like... I woke up this morning feeling completely normal, happy, and motivated again. I tended to my poor food poisoned husband, took the kids on a walk, partially cleaned my sister-in-law's kitchen, had a picnic with the kids outside, deep-cleaned my own kitchen, washed/dried/folded about 6 loads of laundry, cleaned my bathroom, cleaned my living room, played with the kids, read some offensive Sherlock Holmes, cleaned the fish tank, and felt happy to be alive.  If I complain about depression again approx. 24 days from now, someone remind me, please!

Pushing Up Daisies

The past two weeks have been extremely trying for me. I thought I was doing good when I got through the entire winter AND holiday season without any struggles with depression. My house was kept clean (well, by my standards), the kids were happy and I played with them often, I made special efforts to accommodate my husband's needs so that he could focus on school and work, and I felt at ease and cheerful on a pretty consistent basis. Then spring came, and it threw me for a loop. I love spring, I love flowers, I love going on walks and playing at the park, I love picnics and playdates and opening the windows! So why do I feel so blah..?
I think it has to do in part with the crazy weather we've had this spring. I wake up, ready to take the kids to the park, and it is pouring rain. We go on a bike ride, and suddenly the sun is gone and it's freezing and we have to rush home. I'm not the kind of person that likes to sit at home for weeks straight.
Also, I think that my body is getting a little worn out. I haven't had a full night of rest in about 4 years. With Michael's surgery and recovery, including consistent migraines, constant pain, and inability to do much physically for awhile, I was pulling double duty with the kids for quite awhile.
Another contributing factor is that Tenzin has been perpetually sick in one way or another for a long time. When he was in the hospital for 5 days, I only left his side once for about an hour, and the rest of the time I was holding him, nursing him, and helping with all of the breathing treatments and other therapies. When he is sick, we can't go anywhere due to the possibility of passing on the diseases, so we're stuck at home, for weeks straight.
Anyways, like my mom used to say, "It's nothing that 12 full hours of sleep wouldn't cure." Which means I should start feeling better in about a year, ha ha.

Difficulty writing

It's difficult for me to write entries for my blog. I feel things, I think things, I experience things, but it is so hard for me to put any of it into words. I've never been a good writer, and struggled all through my English classes. Anyways, this is kind of a way for me to practice and improve. So don't judge me! Just kidding, kind of.

Illness

I feel as though at least one member of my family has been sick at any given time for the past 2 years. I know that this isn't true, but when the reflux days of Tenzin are still fresh in my mind, and his recent hospitalization still more fresh, it's hard to look at the situation by fact and not feeling. Michael has been violently ill for the past two weeks. This is evidenced by the fact that he actually stayed home from work a few days AND missed 2 classes. Shocking, I know.
Last night Lilli came down with a fever of 103 or so. We've been managing the fever with Tylenol and Motrin and rest and fluids, and tonight the upchucking commenced. Poor sweet little baby bear. When my children are sick I want nothing more than to take all of the pain and suffering on to myself and soldier through it for them. But as Dory (sp?) says on Finding Nemo, "Well, you can't never let anything happen to him- then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo..."

First Family Bike Ride

Well, today something happened that I never thought would. Our entire little family (this includes Michael, folks) went on a bike ride today. It was wonderful. My dear cousin Matthew gave Michael a supersweet bike to ride and it fits him perfectly. He got it last week and has already taken it on a couple rides by his lonesome. I got a bike in early January and have also been riding it solo, tugging the kids along in the bike trailer behind me. Today, though, we joined forces and took on the world... well, not the world, but a little route on the roads around our house.
For those of you who know Michael, I'm sure you realize that this was a pretty big deal for us. We walk together all spring, summer, and fall almost every day, but apparently there is something about riding a bike all the time on your mission that takes the love of it out for some people for awhile (i.e. my fabulous husabanda). So finally he loves it again, and we have the bikes and smiles to prove it!

Somehow it feels like spring, and about Dilbeck.

Although the summer is winding down, and the days are getting slightly cooler, I feel like it's spring. I seem to get more sad and hopeless in the winter, and then come out of it in the spring at about the same time the grass starts to turn green again. However, this year has been bright and full of sunshine even on the darkest days. I've turned over a new leaf with each passing month. Progress and learning have been my closest companions and I feel like I want this time of my life to go on and on.

A very good and very loved friend of mine passed away yesterday. His name was Patrick Dilbeck, but I called him Dilbeck. He became friends with Michael when they served together in Fresno, and became friends with me the second I met him. I feel like I should say something about him here, but everyone who knows him, knows him. He was exactly himself with few walls or pretenses. I've never laughed harder with anyone else outside of my family and I never grew tired of his company. He laughed at everyone (including himself) and everything. He worried about the proper way to cook a meringue and order at a restaurant. Even at his darkest times, he would joke around about his trial and tribulations. I loved him so dearly and still love him and look forward to seeing him again. It makes me happy to think of what he can now do without the constraints his ailments and illnesses put upon his body and mind. I will miss him quietly.

Also, once we went to one of his friend's houses and when we got in the car to leave, it smelled like dog poop. Everyone checked their feet and it turned out to be Dilbeck who had stepped in it. He was so mortified he could hardly speak and he just kept wailing "noooo nooooo noooo!". I laughed so hard I was crying. Proper Dilbeck, who had spent an hour deciding which was the appropriate shirt to wear for the occasion, ended up with dog poo on his shoe at the end of the day and he almost died of the shame of it. Then he laughed for like an hour...

sorry folks, i been busy

Michael had surgery last Friday. We are slowly recuperating. Hopefully I'll have time to blog some time soon.