November

I'm addicted to working out. I'm a better mom, my house is cleaner, and I feel happier. Fall always sucks so much for me, super-depression time, but working out/running/walking with grannies/eating tons of good food is keeping me out of it. I think I can run a 5k now. I'm going to try that distance this weekend, I think. Anyways, my "grateful" for this whole month is that Michael watches the kids so I can exercise. Life is good. Hard, but good.

Little Pea wakes
Her squeaky, sleepy cry calling out to me
Across night and an apology
I rush to meet her
Pick her up with my arms (much like a spatula) and slide her across the bed
She snuggles up to her nursey
Starts ripping my hair from my scalp
Her fingers all wound up in it
Chugging and snorting, kicking at my legs
That chubby nose.
Cheeks overflowing with soft and soft
Drifting away slowly and then
The Final Throes!
She slumbers again
Hair scented with orange
Fist still clenching a few strands of my curls...

"Havin' my baby! (i'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me!)"

I woke up early (5:15 am) this morning to go volunteer at my local Bountiful Baskets site. Therefore, I am extremely tired and can't be held accountable for anything I say here. So Michael's job is awesome in every way. I love having him home in the evenings and on weekends. He is much less stressed and when fall comes he will be able to go to school with much less difficulty. It is weird adjusting to him being home. **disclaimer** lovey stuff ahead*** I love him so much and enjoy being around him so intensely that I've been feeling pretty giddy about getting to spend time together. He is definitely my best friend.
Tenzin is watching Dora as I type this and she is teaching him Spanish:
Dora: Say "Te amo"
Tenzin: Damn you!
Dora: That's right, "Te Amo", I love you.
Tenzin: Damn you! I yuv you!

I love that rascal.

I just got two root canals done in the past 2 weeks. In the end, they were very successful and I feel great. In the interim, however, I had excruciating pain and agony. Hate hate hate. I'm so glad that it is all done and I don't have to eat through a straw anymore.

So I am ready to be feeling better, I'm hoping that this summer is less physically taxing than the last part of this winter has been. I'm trying to grow a baby here, but it seems like I can't gain weight or even think about the baby that much with all of this crud going on.

Well, I'm done complaining. I'm grateful for everything I have, I just had to grump around a little. Tenzin and Lilli have been growing so fast, I love it and also miss all of their littleness. They are so excited about the baby they can hardly stand it. Tenzin whispers secrets to my tummy, mostly "I love you"'s and other such sweet nothings. We've watched videos, so he has a pretty good understanding of what a is going on in there. Lilli talks a lot about after the baby comes and how she is going to help out. She wants to be there when the baby is born, so I did a bunch of research and praying and decided that it would be fine to have her there. In preparation we have been watching birth videos, especially those where kids are there. She likes the science of it all and has lots of good questions. She's very excited to help, so I am going to have to think of some little jobs for her to do during the birth, because otherwise I think she'll get bored. Thankfully, the birthing center has a huge waiting room with a big screen tv and toys and books and stuff. Well, I'm too tired to think anymore...

The never-ending bathroom...

Lately Lilli has been learning to read. Mostly smaller words, like cat, bug, and look, but occasionally she surprises me by sounding out a whopper. I visited Jessie a couple weeks ago and showed up to her sacrament meeting a little (a lot) late. As we were waiting outside the chapel, Lilli was busying herself with reading the bulletin boards and bossing at the younger kids to "be reverent!" Once sacrament meeting was over, Lilli watched the chapel empty out into the halls. As more and more people filed out, her eyes got bigger and bigger. She exclaimed, "Mommy, why were all those people in the bathroom?!" Confused, I questioned her, "That is the chapel, why do you think it is a bathroom?" Raising her eyebrows to the illiterate fool (me) she pointed knowingly at the placard outside of the door labeled "Rostrum", Greek for "pulpit" and shook her head, "See mommy, it says 'restroom' right here!"

Mom, can you please ask her if I can have a pink one?

I apologize in advance for my typos, I am writing this on my iPhone. Anywho, the other night Lilli and Tenzin rolled off of the couch, kind of a tackle on Tenzin's part. Lilli hit the floor at kind of a weird angle and fractured her elbow. Two stories about it:
Someone at the doctor's office asked Lilli what happened to her elbow. Her answer, "My brother and I were playing on a very low couch. We rolled off and I hit the floor at a weird angle. Suddenly, I cried out in pain. First, I got a boring white cast, but now I have a pink one and it is sooooo much better." Awesome.
Second story:
Everyone at the emergency room was treating me a little bit standoffishly. I wasn't quite sure what the issue was until the nurse began questioning Lilli. He asked her what happened and specifics of who was there. Then he asked me about Tenzin. I told them he was fine, and he looked at me doubtfully and gestured to Tenzin's mouth. "I'm concerned about all of the bruising around his mouth..." Wh-wh-what? That's when I actually realized the what the situation was. Tenzin was wearing only a diaper and eating blueberries just moments before "the incident", and I had dressed him in the most terrible clothing possible to rush them to the hospital. They thought that Lilli and Tenzin were abused! I quickly explained the blueberry situation, and wiped a bit of the "bruising" from Tenzin's face as proof. The nurse breathed a sigh of relief and then everyone there started to be really nice to us.

Biggie Smalls

Lately, as in the past 8 years, I've had a really difficult time keeping an appropriate amount of weight on my body. Part of it has been due to breastfeeding, but part of it has just been due to my lack of desire to eat as much food as my high metabolism requires in order to keep my body fully functioning. This has resulted in a lack of energy, decreased bone health, and some image issues that come along with being underweight (i.e. having the body of a 12 year old boy instead of a 26 year old woman). The lowest healthy weight for my height is 121 pounds, which is the most I have ever weighed in my life. I achieved that weight in my junior year of high school from a combination of stuffing my face, weightlifting 7th period, and moving huge irrigation pipes in the summer. So I have made that weight my initial goal. I've made an increased effort in the past couple of months to really try to eat as often as I could remember to, whether I was hungry or not. I've been taking an extra helping of everything I like, and have been snacking all day long, every day. I have still been eating healthily, I just eat a lot more of everything. I added a lot of soy protein to my diet, and to the diet of my children. On top of that, I've been trying to be extra active this summer by going on a walk every day and running around with the kiddos and doing yard work and such. So here's the exciting part (for me, anyways): I've gained 5 pounds! It's been a pretty steady weight gain of a pound every few weeks and now I am only 2 pounds short of my goal. Moral of the story?: If you are cooking good food, please feed it to my face!

Disclaimer: If you are someone who is overweight, and you want to say something to me about how you wish that you had to gain weight instead of lose it and you'd trade me places any day or whatever other thing you would say to minimize my struggle, that's fine, and funny, and I appreciate the good-natured jab. However, keep in mind that this is a story about a commitment to a healthy weight and working hard to achieve it. Just because my body type is the kind that the media glorifies, I have to be just as careful to keep it healthy as anyone else.

a quick rundown of the past month and a half...

Michael works 40+ hours every single week. On top of this, he has to cover any extra shifts that come up that no one else can or will cover. This can sometimes turn out to be 40 hours of staff shifts, with 40+ hours of managing work on top of that. Also, did I mention that he is on salary? So that means that he gets exactly $0 extra for every extra hour that he works. Solution?: I now work for his company. Whenever a shift comes up that isn't covered, I work the shift. Michael stays home with the kids. Suddenly, we have more money, Michael has less stress (sort of), and the kids get to finally spend time with Daddy (which they are super excited about!). I only work sporadically, but every hour I work is an extra hour that Michael gets to be home and that we get paid for. 

Lilli has started a music theory class, and can now identify a quarter note, half note, quarter note rest, half note rest, and 8th note and the difference between all of them. She can read small books and spell out basic words. She'll be turning 4 next month, and Tenzin will be turning 2. Tenzin has started to speak in 3 and 4 word sentences (i.e. Mommy! Cup! Juice! Please!) and is also a very friendly little chap, greeting complete strangers with a big wave and "HI!". He also puts forth his full effort in the harassment of Lilli, as all good little brothers do. She takes it gracefully, explaining to him "Oh no, Tenzin, I will teach you how to be nice." and then she leans over and whispers to me "It's ok Mom, he's still just learning." Michael continues to work hard and will attend BSU again this fall. Also, after six years of being married, he still rawks my socks.  Well, I guess I should say that he rawks my flippy floppies, because I hardly ever wear socks or shoes. This is a weird place to end...