Quiet.
Hushed.
Eyes close. Fading.
Eyelashes braid together. Sealing.
Departure of feeling.
Mind is steel. Reeling.
Warmth rising.
Captured in linen.
Wrapped gentle.
And a dream creeps slowly, knowingly,
Closer, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
When melting is final. When body disappears.

Camp

"Caught meself a horny toad.
Story like this ain't never been told.
Plopped him in the 'frigerator.
Now he's done dead cold."
Everyone is sharing "thankfuls" this month, but I guess I am mostly sharing shenanigans.
When I was of the girls' camp age, my mom was called as our camp director. She was in charge of making the sing-a-long books for the entire camp. Since I was more computer wise than she was, I did most of the design and formatting. My sister and I decided to write a nonsense song and include it in the booklet to see if anyone would notice. At camp, we requested the song to be sung by everyone around campfire. There were around 100 girls all following us in singing this nonsense song (portion of the lyrics included above) with terror in their eyes. According to my mom, the song remained in the booklet for a number of years after we had outgrown camp until someone finally said, "What is this?!", and omitted it before printing. I think I still have a copy if the booklet with the song included.

November

I'm addicted to working out. I'm a better mom, my house is cleaner, and I feel happier. Fall always sucks so much for me, super-depression time, but working out/running/walking with grannies/eating tons of good food is keeping me out of it. I think I can run a 5k now. I'm going to try that distance this weekend, I think. Anyways, my "grateful" for this whole month is that Michael watches the kids so I can exercise. Life is good. Hard, but good.

Little Pea wakes
Her squeaky, sleepy cry calling out to me
Across night and an apology
I rush to meet her
Pick her up with my arms (much like a spatula) and slide her across the bed
She snuggles up to her nursey
Starts ripping my hair from my scalp
Her fingers all wound up in it
Chugging and snorting, kicking at my legs
That chubby nose.
Cheeks overflowing with soft and soft
Drifting away slowly and then
The Final Throes!
She slumbers again
Hair scented with orange
Fist still clenching a few strands of my curls...

"Havin' my baby! (i'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me!)"

I woke up early (5:15 am) this morning to go volunteer at my local Bountiful Baskets site. Therefore, I am extremely tired and can't be held accountable for anything I say here. So Michael's job is awesome in every way. I love having him home in the evenings and on weekends. He is much less stressed and when fall comes he will be able to go to school with much less difficulty. It is weird adjusting to him being home. **disclaimer** lovey stuff ahead*** I love him so much and enjoy being around him so intensely that I've been feeling pretty giddy about getting to spend time together. He is definitely my best friend.
Tenzin is watching Dora as I type this and she is teaching him Spanish:
Dora: Say "Te amo"
Tenzin: Damn you!
Dora: That's right, "Te Amo", I love you.
Tenzin: Damn you! I yuv you!

I love that rascal.

I just got two root canals done in the past 2 weeks. In the end, they were very successful and I feel great. In the interim, however, I had excruciating pain and agony. Hate hate hate. I'm so glad that it is all done and I don't have to eat through a straw anymore.

So I am ready to be feeling better, I'm hoping that this summer is less physically taxing than the last part of this winter has been. I'm trying to grow a baby here, but it seems like I can't gain weight or even think about the baby that much with all of this crud going on.

Well, I'm done complaining. I'm grateful for everything I have, I just had to grump around a little. Tenzin and Lilli have been growing so fast, I love it and also miss all of their littleness. They are so excited about the baby they can hardly stand it. Tenzin whispers secrets to my tummy, mostly "I love you"'s and other such sweet nothings. We've watched videos, so he has a pretty good understanding of what a is going on in there. Lilli talks a lot about after the baby comes and how she is going to help out. She wants to be there when the baby is born, so I did a bunch of research and praying and decided that it would be fine to have her there. In preparation we have been watching birth videos, especially those where kids are there. She likes the science of it all and has lots of good questions. She's very excited to help, so I am going to have to think of some little jobs for her to do during the birth, because otherwise I think she'll get bored. Thankfully, the birthing center has a huge waiting room with a big screen tv and toys and books and stuff. Well, I'm too tired to think anymore...

The never-ending bathroom...

Lately Lilli has been learning to read. Mostly smaller words, like cat, bug, and look, but occasionally she surprises me by sounding out a whopper. I visited Jessie a couple weeks ago and showed up to her sacrament meeting a little (a lot) late. As we were waiting outside the chapel, Lilli was busying herself with reading the bulletin boards and bossing at the younger kids to "be reverent!" Once sacrament meeting was over, Lilli watched the chapel empty out into the halls. As more and more people filed out, her eyes got bigger and bigger. She exclaimed, "Mommy, why were all those people in the bathroom?!" Confused, I questioned her, "That is the chapel, why do you think it is a bathroom?" Raising her eyebrows to the illiterate fool (me) she pointed knowingly at the placard outside of the door labeled "Rostrum", Greek for "pulpit" and shook her head, "See mommy, it says 'restroom' right here!"

Mom, can you please ask her if I can have a pink one?

I apologize in advance for my typos, I am writing this on my iPhone. Anywho, the other night Lilli and Tenzin rolled off of the couch, kind of a tackle on Tenzin's part. Lilli hit the floor at kind of a weird angle and fractured her elbow. Two stories about it:
Someone at the doctor's office asked Lilli what happened to her elbow. Her answer, "My brother and I were playing on a very low couch. We rolled off and I hit the floor at a weird angle. Suddenly, I cried out in pain. First, I got a boring white cast, but now I have a pink one and it is sooooo much better." Awesome.
Second story:
Everyone at the emergency room was treating me a little bit standoffishly. I wasn't quite sure what the issue was until the nurse began questioning Lilli. He asked her what happened and specifics of who was there. Then he asked me about Tenzin. I told them he was fine, and he looked at me doubtfully and gestured to Tenzin's mouth. "I'm concerned about all of the bruising around his mouth..." Wh-wh-what? That's when I actually realized the what the situation was. Tenzin was wearing only a diaper and eating blueberries just moments before "the incident", and I had dressed him in the most terrible clothing possible to rush them to the hospital. They thought that Lilli and Tenzin were abused! I quickly explained the blueberry situation, and wiped a bit of the "bruising" from Tenzin's face as proof. The nurse breathed a sigh of relief and then everyone there started to be really nice to us.